222am

Here I am again .. glad I am still alive. Those last couple of days, I don't know what kept me going. I think it was my son at this point. Father's Day weekend was bad for me. I didn't hear from any of my girls at all and I had my son while his mother went to a Renaissance Fair that I initially told her about and suggested we go. But I understand now. Even though it was heartbreaking. Even if it does really suck. I hope she's happy. Because it came at my expense. 

When her boyfriend left her, I was right there. Moral support, I left little notes, I gave and gave but ultimately I sabotaged it because of my insecurities. To tell you the honest to God truth, because I know no one will ever read this. This was it for me. She was my endgame. She was literally the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But I fucked up along the way. Sure, she made mistakes too but I know I really fumbled the bag. 

I tried but I couldn't get out of my own way.