this is what I wanted to send you.

Another Sunday night, and once again, I find myself caught up in my feelings. As I sit here, I can’t help but reflect on where we are. I see you in a better place—no fights, Julian thriving and adjusting so well, and everything seems to be in a good rhythm. It’s hard not to feel like I’m no longer fitting into that picture. Maybe I am the problem, and I hate to admit that, but it’s the truth I’m coming to realize. 

I’ve loved our time together—truly, I have. The moments we shared were special, and I’ll always look back on them fondly. Especially Friday, it really took me back to better times between us. However, going from one extreme and having you for 7 hours or so, to near radio silence for almost the entire rest of the weekend, it's voluntary torture. So, I’ve been doing some reflection this weekend, and I’ve reached a place where I feel like I’m holding you back more than anything. I don’t want to risk causing any more harm or discomfort. I think it’s time for me to let go, not because I don’t care, but because I care so deeply that I want the best for you, even if that means stepping away. 

Let me be clear, there’s no one else. You’re the only one in my thoughts, always. But, at the same time, I can sense that we’ve reached a point where we can’t move forward in the ways we need to, emotionally, physically, or in the amount of time we get to share. You made it pretty clear that you don't know what you want, and while I can respect it, I also have to respect my feelings as well.  I told you from the jump, that I knew what I wanted and you never told me "no", it was "NOt right now".

Life seems to be going well for you, you have your new job, our son is behaving, you and your man are getting along better, I mean you are out building a snowman together.  My point is, you're going to always find something wrong with whomever you're with. I chose to overlook those things with you, and I know you'll figure out how to do the same with him. 

You deserve someone who can give you everything you want and need, and as much as I wish that could be me, I can see that I’m able to be that person anymore. So, I’m letting go. Please, be happy where you are. I want that for you more than anything.  Now, go on.. GIT!  You deserve it.  I am here rooting for you to succeed in life. 

I am probably going to go dark for a while. It might be best if we don't have any contact for the foreseeable. The less I see of you, the better.