he answered your phone

let's start with yesterday. what was supposed to be my father's day present. a day for me. a day for dad to relax and enjoy some family time. instead, you spent the entire morning and afternoon talking to your 'boyfriend' because his friend supposedly killed himself.  it did hurt my feelings that my day got ruined. for a long time we could blame it on your executive function issues, and that's fine. but we kept at it, neither one of us backing down. i never touched you in a threatening manner. i only came close to you with love in my heart. our tempers were on the rise and your mother was on the phone. i pleaded my case, but i could see that i had already lost. i would have done anything for my family and for the last year and a half, I had.  i had been growing. showing you improvements. you noticing that i'm becoming better. but instead of being my cheerleader, my cornerman, my partner and being proud of the family we are becoming, (because my victories are your victories, my wins are your wins).  you seek someone else. you fall for someone else.   I find myself unable to eat, i have had one chicken tender today. i have pretended to eat for the sake of my daughter.  back to where we were.  i heard you make mention of how you were hungry and needed coffee. i run and get you guys food, immediately. i leave it for you and you give me a big hug and ask why i brought it for you guys. i said 'because i would do anything for my family.' and i leave.   

instead of seeing that as a peace offering and staying loyal, you travel with my son to meet another man. you allow him to answer your phone and talk to me that way. disrespectful. such a trashy person. i cannot believe this is who you are seeking the attention of. this is the guy that was homeless 2 months ago, the guy who doesn't own a car, the guy who works at wendys? really? i have provided for you. i have provided for my son. i have given my time, my effort, my abilities, my life to this family, to you, to our son. but none of that was good enough. it wasn't good enough. i wasn't good enough. 

thats a tough pill to swallow. i told you before, i was like my dad, i was loyal. but i only be loyal until the true betrayal sets in. you hurt me deep. my goal, if i can help it, is to never see you again. i cant bear to look at your lying eyes. i can't do it. i know my heart wont be able to take it. we said we would never leave each other.  we said it was forever, infinity. remember? remember?