the beginning... the things i never wanted to write.

 So, here I am. I guess it's finally time to do what you do when things like this occur. You make a blogger. I am so distraught. There are so many things to tell you. So many mistakes I have made. So much I take the blame for. I just want to call her. Comfort her. Hold her and tell her that I love her. But she ripped my heart out. But I suppose this is what I get for flying too close to the sun. All of my efforts, they weren't done to win her affection back, they were done so she could see that I am evolving as a person. I am growing into the man I need to be, especially for my son. I still haven't lost him, as a matter of fact. He has been glomming to me. But I understand why, he sees me giving him the effort, the time of day and the love, acceptance and affection that I withheld, not because I didn't care, but because I didn't get that vulnerability from my own father. But this positive reinforcement is working. She was right... she was always right... I am the problem.  more to come...