something i have alluded to over the years with you is what i wanted all of you to remember about me, if and when my time comes. this is in no way a suicide note, so please keep that in mind. it is with all of the love in the right places...
i have been conscious of my health (both physical and mental) for a little while now, and in the process of that being true, i have begun to look at things a bit differently. i tell each one of you that i love you every time we see each other. i give you more than one hug before you leave my presence. not because im being creepy or weird, but what if that is the last time i hug you? i don't know if i would be able to be ok with myself if i didnt hug you and tell you that i loved you just one more time?
but you. yes you. ssp. since the moment i met you, i knew you were it for me. i knew i wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. you were the only person i wanted forever. i never got tired of you and when i did, i really didn't. i have never loved someone the way that i loved you. not in scope, depth, understanding... any of it. i knew you were it for me, like this was the perfect fit. you were my soulmate, my best friend that i had waited my whole life to meet. i always found you so fucking beautiful. from watching you sleep, to when you first woke up, i wanted to wake up to that pretty face of yours for the rest of my days. and don't even get me started when you actually put effort into your appearance. you are hands down the most beautiful woman i have ever laid eyes on in my entire life. you still more than likely don't believe me, and you probably won't, but every time i see you, my heart litterally skips a beat and my breath goes short, and i can't help but smile. your personality is so much fun, you're quirky, sweet, caring, a gifted listener, incredibly thoughtful, and super inciteful, as well. your perspective was something i not only welcomed but embraced, i shifted my thinking so much because of you, and i don't know if i ever actually let you know that or not. i just thought you should know these things.
also, i wanted to marry you more than i ever wanted anything else in my life. it was all i ever dreamed of. i had dreams about you and i sharing that day together. everything from what we wore... to where it happened. we got married in utica, at the beach house, it was a cool spring evening. you wore a very simple, but elegant pearl/cream colored dress. i wore a simple black suit. we didn't have a huge elaborate to-do, we said our vows as the sun was setting. then you and i kissed and we belonged to each other, forever. we went on our honeymoon, you for some reason insisted we go to Guam. why? i have no idea. but it was where you wanted to spend our week without anyone or anything else.
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