I have so many emotions, so many thoughts running through my head. I can't work. I'm literally sitting at work, with a mountain of things I need to get accomplished, but I fucking cant do them. I just sit here, sobbing at my desk, my door shut. I feel so alone, so empty.  Every part of my day, I thought of you. You truly have no idea how much you were on my mind, how I kept you present in every decision I made.  I had been making the necessary changes, I was learning how to become more aware and thoughtful. I was looking at opportunities to go out of my way to do things for you. I had dinners planned, I had planned dates. I have a restaurant that we are still on a waiting list for in Evansville. I just had to get my full deferral payment taken care of.  I was trying to begin the process of dating you all over again. I know it seemed as if you were disinterested, however it does make sense now.  You were still hung up.   

But then 2 weeks ago happens, and I don't know what to say.  It's been two weeks. You were home for me. You've been my home. You have meant so much to me.  I just wonder if I meant the same to you, and if so, how could you walk away now? I don't understand. I don't comprehend. I just know that I hurt, my heart aches. I find no joy in anything anymore. I smile in front of people but it's fake. Anytime I am alone, anytime I'm given a moment to think, I cry. I am so alone. I miss you.