Bittersweet... closure?

 Remember, that's what we named your first mix you made when we were together. How apropos. 

I guess this is where I can speak more longform and I think you'll see this?  In your message you kept saying 'for now', 'right now'. those are qualifiers, maybe that's just your way of being gentle with my heart, but my heart will always hold hope for us. Maybe I'm just looking too deeply into your words. Either way, I don't want anyone else. 

I don't want to learn someone else. I can't truly say that I want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else. That's why I kept improving, I wanted to be better. I knew I was capable. I just had to figure it out, but I did it at your expense for so long.  I came to you with so many different things, ways to improve things that weren't working. I was open-minded with things you seemed interested in. 

I'll set you free, let you be. Grow. Figure your stuff out. I just wish, hope, and pray we have time to make our way back together.  If something were to happen, just know that I always wanted you to be the woman I married and spent the rest of my life with. I think about that stuff now more than I ever have, since hitting 40, I realize that tomorrow isn't promised. I just wanted you to choose me to be the one to walk this life with you. Do what you need to do. But just understand that I would rather spend my time, enjoying what I have left with the kids and my hobbies and projects, and wait for you, than find someone new.  I don't want new. I just want you. I want your head in my lap. I want to smell Marc Jacobs, I want your coffee cups strung about the house. I want my messy, bed-head having, sleepy, wonderful, loving girl. I accept you. Every part of you, and you know I mean every part. 

I'll give you your space and time, but we won't be around forever. The only person that can take you from me is death, and even then, I'll follow you into the dark. Pinky promise. ∞